Pumpkin Beers Are The Worst But Oktoberfests Are Alright

Pumpkin beers are the worst. Every year they are back again, and every year I flirt with desire for a sip. I like the taste at first. Pumpkin! But really more pumpkin pie that straight up pumpkin, which is even better! And beer! What a great combination. Plus, like a Shamrock Shake or Valentine’s Day candy hearts, most of the joy lies in the novelty that this is a limited-time-only beer, a once-a-year-for-three-weeks kind of beer. Act now!

But two sips in and I realize I just paid money for a sweet fake alcoholic cider monstrosity with a poorly drawn Jack-O- Lantern on the label. They don’t even taste like real beer. Pumpkin beers are the pumpkin spice chai latte of the alcohol world. And I just bought six of them.